Her...

04:12hrs and I find I cannot sleep any more than when I first began my futile attempts at 22:40hrs...

Sitting up, I ease myself out of bed and decide to have a little company while I'm up;
So letting SuicideGirl out of her kennel, she accompanies me down the stairs and into the already bright morning. I cross the living room and step to the sliding glass door.
I exhale deeply pushing back the closed hanging blinds and undoing the lock and latch to let my sleepy, four-legged companion out into the yard. I join her and let the light and heat of the morning settle around me as the birds and insects surround us with their tumultuous sounds.
I gaze upon my long legged companion as she shakes the last vestiges of sleep from her body and playfully skippy-dances to the side inviting me to join in. I smile, crouching down to sit on my haunches.
I close my eyes and letting go of all thoughts, I invest myself in the moment:
The sounds of life in my ears, the feel of the cool stone porch to my feet, the comfortable warmth of the morning and its fickled cool breeze on my skin.
The breeze strengthens as it changes direction, only to quickly die in a spasmodic gust.
I exhale as time seems to slow and flow around me.
"Hello." She whispers, as She saunters around me.
I sense her coming closer, leaning in--the feel of Her breath as husky as her voice.
My eyes open-without focus and unconsciously my fingers seek out my cheek, where they trace the path of each kiss She lays upon me. I find myself trapped--
In the breath of the moment of before and the now, while she caresses my neck and face, arms and legs with brazen, deliberate moves.
My mind has lost all comprehension of it's surroundings--
The feelings of content, now ash in the wake of the furry She has kindled within.
Angrily, I snatch my hand from my face, uselessly wiping it on my old, faded-thin t-shirt.
I sigh, letting the anger drain from me...
Embarrassment silently filling its place.
Embarrassed for be so naive in thinking She would not be up so early and in my yard; then silly for thinking She couldn't catch me off guard after all these years.
Gathering up what was left of my composure, I choose to ignore Her.
I peevishly brush my hands from my thighs to my knees, I stand up and I curtly call SuicideGirl in.
Unsettled and annoyed now, my mood no longer light, lack of sleep begins to weigh down on me and the anticipation of dealing with Her pervade my early morning peace.
I turn my back on Her embrace.
Seeming to notice my change in mood, she coyly backs off, replacing the embrace with just a touch on my arm, and I catch my breath...
Gaining more sense, I quickly cover my pause by hurriedly following SGirl through the open door before my body can betray me; yet in my haste I forgot the blinds are in the way forcing SGirl to halt in her fear of becoming entangled.
Testily, I swipe the blinds aside for her, forcing composure into my bearing as she jogs happily into the house.
In a brazen move, She beseeches me again, lustily laughing at my undignified retreat.
The fickly breeze picks up again drawing her scent and voice in after me, taunting and reminding me of Her power and how I belong to her and always will as long as I live in her domain.
Firmly sliding the door shut, exhaustion guides my steps to the large couch, as SGirl scratches at her bedding beside it.
Turning around twice, she lies down with a contented sigh as I choose one of the blankets and a pillow the Girls have left from the night before: defeated, I sink into the couch.
Gingerly, upon the pillow I lay my head and slowly curl up.
Turning my body, I face the back of the couch and the darkness of the cool leather upholstery and my closed eyelids.
Fitfully forcing myself to block out the mess She has made of my mind, I focus instead on the simplicity of my repetitious breathing.
Groggily I tell myself it will be alright, making metal notes to wear a looser dress and cut out a few unnecessary errands. A last thought drifts free as I sink further into sleep, " I hate this Humidity."


I wrote this around May 2008, I was plagued by insomnia and brutally reminded of the humidity, that year one day it was non existent the next day it had arrived. We also were just back in Japan after spending three years in California. I am happy we do not live further south for now. I am a Colorado Native who enjoys dry heat.