We Are Missing Something

A few of you already know of this Fabulous Five’s efforts to get approval to have my Mom live with us. That was torpedoed

with a letter from the Navy stating we have been denied due to, “... not applying for disability and/or unemployment.” Now this was our first time sailing this sea within the Navy and believe me, we cast our nets far and wide to get as much information as possible to ensure our paperwork was in order--all the t’s crossed, i’s dotted. The DOD is really good at issuing instructions and sadly lacking in real help for following the instructions. We are allowed two more times to apply within the 365 days for the first submission, we shall try again after a bit. Now we are armed with a bit more understanding and familiarity for fishing in this sea. 

The process--well, like all processes in life brought me to a few understandings:

1. The Navy is randomly quite vexing, I believe it’s mother is Lady Luck and we all know how fickle that 
2. Living nearly 13 years sequestered within Naval life, my daughters and I have been without elders. 

Understanding #1 I know inside and out, however it still hurts when being brutally reminded of it. Understanding #2 did not formally greet me till after the first month of MistressM living with us this past winter. My daughters were getting a serious learning curve in dealing with elders--speech, manners, behaviors, assumptions... oh my. My Mom, she is not ancient by any means--but anyone who has walked or wheeled this earth two decades or more over me, has earned the right to be treated with respectful deference... especially by those who are barely into or have not even fully tasted their first decade of life. 

Let me tell you, it was a beautiful and sweet honey moon after we finally picked up MistressM from Narita (that is a whole other story which is pathetically sad); StudMan was happy to have another adult in the household--his solution for putting out that burning question I can’t seem to sufficiently answer for him: Where do they get this from?!? I was ecstatic--it was my MOMMY and I could finally truly enjoy and be there for her in a way that behoved us all. The girls were happy and nervous; it’s Mam’ma and it’s another adult--essentially another parental unit. 

The honey moon lasted longer than expected and like all things they have their time and place; let us say the CrazyOne farted in the bed, heralding a change. I do not recall the event that ran that boat aground, but I can tell you it was then that she discovered you do not speak to Mam’ma in a way that Mommy realistically should not let you speak at all to her. Then you do not attempt to shore up your sinking ship with the chewing gum of attitude and the spit wads of indifference.

Ballsy was what MistressM voiced, stupid is more what I asserted, and the stupid label was not really for CrazyOne but me. I obviously had more moments of, I don’t feel like fighting this right now, than I previously believed. Of course the monster I had began to shape was not as lovely as I blindly assumed. Fortunately this detail was made known sooner than later, so while in my quite moments it came to me: besides SailorMan who is surrounded by mentors to lend guidance to his sails, rudder and keel professionally; my family is not honestly in contact with anyone who would call us on such lapses, thus we show our hairy arses at the most inopportune times. 

It is a challenge I am pressed by--to get my entire family (meaning mostly the Posse and I) in constant contact with the 50 and above crowd, having their input within our lives. Come to think of it, not entirely sure the afore mentioned crowd would care to hob-nob with my Posse. 

Moving on... 

Day by day we are surrounded by a predominately under 55 crowd. 
Now, as I type this I do realize that it could just be the times we live in, no one will really call you out on rude behavior; instead we will go home and post, tweet, and all that other what-not about what you just experienced. Perhaps it is just me and my nostalgia of growing up and being surrounded by or running into people especially elders who called you to the carpet for various uncivilized offenses. Perhaps it is just me wishing I was stronger like my Mom in not letting my brother and I get away with such acts. In either case, my peers or elders do not let on when rudeness is afoot. 

No one likes being called out on poor behavior, but the moment it happens the offending individual gets a time out --they can take the opportunity to reset their mind and pick a wiser method to operate from or they can just plow right on ahead, setting that bridge on fire. The few times I had been called to task for poor behavior I was acutely embarrassed and utterly mortified by fear someone would tell my Mom or my Grandma. That act alone, someone speaking up, was enough to get me to straighten up and fly right. Not everyone is that way, but people in their moment of minor incivility should be given a chance to regroup and mend their way. On the other hand, being sincerely complemented for a true work of virtue and job well done goes the distance when given by elders. I want my children to experience that.

Not living with many elders in a community creates a loss. The loss can be of culture, history, language (syntax and vocabulary), etc... 

In this case for me more importantly is the point(s) of reference and contact with human experience. We are human, yet we are richer, deeper, fuller, better humans when we are in constant positive, mutual contact with others of differing ages. I throw positive and mutual in there because not all people are the kind I want around me and especially around my girls and vis-a-versa (I hold no illusions to, “... and gosh darn it, people like me!”) Ooo, suddenly got shivers... 

Negative experiences are constants in life, what makes them bare-able and fabulous stepping stones on our individual Paths of Life is the positive contacts and connections we have past and present. From a singular to immeasurable moments, think about it: they all aided in creating the neural pathways that help create the sum of you. Checking out something new, diving deeper into a passing interest, having a inner a-ha when a moment in your life lines up with memory shared from theirs, or knowledgeably forging ahead into territory urged into or warned against; the list goes on and I for one have spent many moments happily and unhappily in the presence of elders--they do influence you. I have learned as an adult, elders need youth as much as youth need elders, we keep each other alive and growing, grounded and stable. We keep each other human.